Bella and Edward: True Love or Unhealthy Obsession? December 14, 2009
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the Twilight series. I sighed with romantic glee as I read about Edward—his beauty, humility, and chivalry. I saw myself in some of Bella’s longings, in the way she let love take precedence over friendship, in her unhindered focus on the desire of her heart. I also saw myself in Bella’s friends, who questioned her devotion to such a strange and possibly dangerous boy and felt hurt by her withdrawal from them. The fifteen-year-old girl I used to be remembers these things well.
Though time and distance make me a bit more objective about certain situations, I will never completely lose sight of my teen self. My feelings raged so powerfully that I could barely contain them—frustration with my parents versus my deep love for them, powerful romantic love versus the ache of a broken heart, a desperate need for my friends versus a desire to be alone. If Stephenie Meyer does anything well in these books, it’s the way she portrays the roller coaster of the teenage heart. In reviewing the first film adaptation of the novel, NPR’s Kenneth Turan says, ”…the film of Twilight…treats those high-pressure high school emotions with unwavering, uncompromising seriousness; Laurence Olivier essaying Shakespeare didn’t approach his material with more reverence than is on display here.” He’s right. Meyer never pokes fun at the emotions, hopes, dreams, and yearnings of young people. That’s what struck me most about her books. (Well, right behind my head-over-heels fantasy love for a certain 104-year-old vampire, which was later challenged by my intrigue over the 16-year-old werewolf in book 2.)
The book series, translated into more than a dozen languages, has sold millions of copies and garnered mostly positive reviews. (See “Booksellers Find Life After Harry.”) Overall, I’ve viewed it positively as well. Recently, though, someone proposed the idea that maybe teen girls are taking away something unhealthy from these books. It’s all well and good for a grownup to read them with perspective, but what are they saying to young women?
What do you think, girls? Do these books/films inspire you to gravitate toward the “bad” boys? Do they support the idea that pining away for the one you love is acceptable when you’re 17? Are they suggesting that such powerful love and desire are okay when you’re still in high school? Do they make you seriously consider finding the love of your life and getting married right out of high school, not to mention pregnant? What do you think of Edward’s morals? Is he truly concerned with treating Bella respectfully, or does his inherent danger as a vampire outweigh his care? What do you think of Jacob’s words of caution to Bella? Is he right to insist that she takes Edward way too seriously, or do you think he simply wants her for himself and tries to make Edward less attractive?
I want to hear from you, Twilight fans! I’m especially interested in what teens and young adults have to say, but I also welcome comments from those like me who are decidedly NOT teens. Let the discussion begin!
Ooooh! I want to think about this some more before I comment, but I’m so glad you wrote this post. (I’ll confess that I’m the one who has concerns about the books.) Great idea, Kelley!
First off, I’ll say that I’ve only read the first two books. So, my comments come from those two.
When I read New Moon especially, I was put off by Bella’s fierce depression. It just seemed overdone to me. A huge load of teenage melodramatics, if you know what I mean.
Now, however, I have a somewhat different view of it. I personally know how devastating it is to be separated from the one you love without knowing when you’ll be together again. I’m 31, so I have the perspective and ability to keep the worst of the depression at bay most of the time. But there’s no denying the all-consuming feelings of desperation, frustration, anger, loneliness, bitterness, resentment, longing, and more that come with such separation.It is a mess of feelings that never goes away. I now understand Bella’s reckless actions and her attempts to purge herself of those feelings.
I still believe that teenagers don’t really know what true love feels like. I also know that at that specific time in their life, those feelings are important and very real.
It’s a fine line to walk, between true love and obsession. I think it comes down to what you’re looking to get out of the relationship. Are you looking for better circumstances, an improvement in your life, or are you looking for perfection? If it’s better circumstances you seek, keep loving and reaching for improvement, if it’s perfection you seek, give the relationship up, for you’ll never find perfection, not even in a vampire.
Well, folks, it looks like no one wants to talk about Twilight these days. I was really hoping to hear from some teens, but maybe I made this too complex. Anyway, it was good to get my thoughts out. I’m still not sure where I come out on the issue, but I did enjoy the books.
When I was a teenager, I had a tendency to be overly romantic. Movies and books were seen as examples of what life could be like, I guess. And I’m sure I probably imitated some of the things I saw and read. So I guess what worries me about Bella’s obsession with Edward, who seems like a poor choice for a mate all things considered, is that some girls will view their relationship as an example. As something they want for their own lives. There’s no balance in the first book, I think. No consistent voice of reason to counter Bella’s obsession. (One of the things I liked about Harry Potter’s teenage angst as written by Rowling was that other characters provided some perspective on how ridiculous his behaviour was at times. Not to compare Twilight to Potter, of course.) My sister is a teenager and reads these books, and I want very much to ask her if she thinks this relationship is a good one, but I already know she thinks I’m so OLD and would probably not want to talk to me about this. I can only hope I’ll be a bit more brave with my kids.
My 13teen yr old daughter has a wry sense of humor. She asked me, “Why is it you see all these tote-bags with Edward quotes like ‘You are my life now’ or ‘The lion fell in love with the lamb’ but not ‘I watch you sleep at night’ or ‘Your scent is like a drug to me.’” (She was fighting laughs as she imagined merchandise that actually noticed Edward’s dark and dangerous side.
I think it’s helped her gain some perspective. That and watching some spoof videos. Have you seen the Twilight Cheeseburger video YouTube? Ooh funny. (After you’ve seen that, rewatch the scene on the Twilight DVD with the commentary on, & you can tell that R Pattinson has seen that YouTube video, he comments on it during that scene in the movie.)
Take care & God bless
Anne / WF